I know there are others who has way worse than I have. But right now I feel so lost.. All my positivity and confidence, all my dreams and why’s are seems to be so far … that I barley can see the way out of this labyrinth where I fell in a few weeks ago. And it just got worse.

I having hard time with dealing my emotions, with my feelings and fears and worries.

I am very intentional about to find what I had to learn from this all(???), but the pain seems to be greater than anything I ever had to deal with…

Not sure how am I suppose to get out of this state.. I broke all promises I made to myself and to others. Can’t seem to find way out.

Am I going to smile from the inside again?

Am I going to feel happiness again?

Something happens when you lose the most important person from your life, something breaks, more like shattered what you won’t be able to put back together ever again.

Will I be able to tell my story one day without breaking down, without crying?

I’m trying to get back up and continue where I left of with my life (I don’t even know anymore what I suppose to do with it… I lost my purpose of life) and that takes me a while; and I apologise from all of you who waiting for me to deliver a few work of mine.

Being so lost in my own body, I am not in control,

Feel like I lost my soul..

All the dark places where my mind goes…..

Losing myself over my thoughts,

I need to breath, but bad thoughts in my mind,

It’s like they got me blind.

I’m not in control.

Falling asleep late, cos not ready for the tomorrow,

Because my heart is full with sorrow.

Every day when I wake up, I woke up in a Nightmare,

And I’ve been feeling spiteful,

Everything has got me in denial.

I may recover from this and find my way out but there is something I’ll never be able to be okay with. Just learn to live with the pain. Something will be never heal but I’ll get my control back. I’m out there and looking for ME.

Peace&Love

Miti