The last couple of days (more like a week) I have a very low level of liking myself. (and that is a very ‘Brexit’ way of putting it 🙂 ). Two days ago had my lowest point, which I haven’t had since New Year’s Eve (and that is the longest period to feel bad about myself).

I’m already at the point when I don’t hate myself anymore, but dislike some part of me, my body, or personality. Also, to realise very early these feelings; I am more self-aware then before, that’s for sure. I can say, yes I did improve – so, I do celebrate this achievement.

What is really happening?

Not sure what it is, weakness? Maybe, but I can’t keep my consistency.

I haven’t figured out why.

What do I mean?

Going to gym and workout? I decreased my days of going from average 6 to 4 but still I go some weeks 5 times, and I do long walks with my family too which a low intensity exercise in a way… So, I get my training plan completed.

So, what is the problem: one of them is my eating habits! Yes, I am vegan for over 3 years now, but to support my fitness life I had to eat more balanced, which I am not. I have a meal plan, which I do follow like 70-80%, but it is still not 100%, isn’t?

I love to eat and a lot – ask people who is around me on the daily basis. And sometimes – most of the times I don’t have moderation. I am hungry in every 3-4 hours and I like to snack (not always the healthiest one).

That is making me angry. I am really annoyed with myself. Having angry thoughts, and they are starting to become feelings and emotions very quick, which I’m not intend to keep.

I promised to myself when I started to try different diets, such as keto, low carb diet, that having a goal and working hard to achieve (6 pack, right) I’ll still enjoying the journey, with Moderation.

Lately I don’t seem to know that word.

Funny part, during this post, I am having a snack. I’m putting myself more down and making myself unhappy. No one else is responsible for my actions only me. Looks like I still haven’t learned something or I just being a stubborn bitch.

I don’t get something.

I’m sure I am not the only one who’s complaining, and moaning about my look, or body or how my life has been turned to be.

Let me see: who is responsible for having that bit of an extra belly, or not having my 6 pack and I’m not even close to it; or not being happy with my professional life? Who’s fault is that?

I can twist, ask the same question so many ways but the answer will be the same each time: ME!

Shit to admit.

If I am so unhappy with certain things; why I still keep continue all those bad habits?

Reading books won’t give me all the answer, they good for showing a path, but I have to do the work.

Easier to get a bag of biscuit, crisps, get a vegan ice cream then peel an orange or make a fruit bowl with vegan yoghurt.

Laziness! Weakness! Giving in! That is my problem! Losing the power over my ‘self-discipline’ and that’s why I can’t keep my consistency.

I can’t keep disappoint myself over and over again. I came so far from where I was in every area of my life, so when I have these down points making me so upset as I though I am way stronger than this.

I can keep going on and on and I just making myself worse at the moment.

Being more self-aware as I was months ago, I do know now what to do after realising I’m doing things wrong. Get my shit together and do the work and keep at it!

Here is a quote I do love right now:

Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is natural consequence of consistently applying basic fundamentals.

– E.James Rohn.

My training program and meal plan created by @biah_quiles www.bodybybiah.com

Peace&Love

Miti