This short story is actually from my journal, but it was so heavy on me I felt I have to share it.. It was a while ago, somehow I waited a few weeks to put this out.

“Today I walked home from work. Well, just half way through as I parked off road and I don’t need to make over 2 miles on my feet..

I was listening music and got close to my car where I parked when I noticed a big mirror standing on the side walk with few other unwanted items.

I thought to myself that I’ll come back for it when it’s dark because it is in a very good condition.

Well, no clue what I was actually thinking. When I went back for it wasn’t there anymore.

And it made me realise something.

I really wanted a big mirror a few weeks ago and two days ago I said to my brother that I’ll take his at home. And today when I’m walking home around 4:30pm I found myself standing in front of a big, long, mirror on a stand. Just what I wanted!

But instead of picking it up and walk a few more metres to my car, I left it there and made myself believe it will be there when it gets dark.

Because I felt weird to pick it up and start walking with it in the day light. I made myself believe that people will pointing at me, staring at me, judging me for what I’m doing.

One thing I Saw straight away: this is how I feel with everything, every areas of my life!

Of course after 2-3 hours the mirror was long gone.

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!

I asked for it and from the best power came to my life. BUT! Once again, I didn’t went for it, I let it slide out of my hands, because I was afraid.

To be honest, from nothing needed to be afraid of, but in that moment I thought that’s the worse thing that could happen is: What people would think if I pick that mirror up?

Let’s face it, it wasn’t in a dumpster, I wouldn’t had to dig it out from the bin. Someone put it next to the sidewalk as they didn’t need it anymore along with few other items and they even made a gesture not to throw it away is they’re all in a good condition so might as well someone else can use it.

It’s not about the mirror anymore.. It’s much more deeper than that, even it is an important part of my realisation, if you like. It’s a trigger, I think.

I’d like for a while now a big, long mirror to be able to monitor my body transformation progress. I don’t like to look at myself at the gym’s changing room’s mirror, or any mirror in fact, I don’t feel comfortable just staring at myself in front of other women or men in the gym while working out. (I guess that could be another topic to talk about).

The thing is, I wanted a mirror, asked for it, desired and I’ve had it in front of me, but let it slipped away.

Made me wonder what else I let go out of my hand without me knowing I could have have it? Or even worse, when I had it in my hands but still manage to “slip” away?

This isn’t about the (lost) mirror anymore…

I’m kind of having a search party for find myself for a while now. Going on this path I’ve had so much ups and downs, bumps. Tears. Sadness and Happiness.

And milestones…

I’m a firm believer that THIS is one of them. ‘The Lost Mirror’ is a milestone to me. As a starter, in 30 minutes I’ve realised so many things I never been able to see before.. Even it was right in front of my eyes for years!

The same milestone was in my life not once but I wasn’t ready to see it.

ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE!

Sure, it’s way more complex than that. Imagine, your dream, your desire and you have the OPPORTUNITY to get it in anyway.. But without work, without effort it won’t just appear .. My mirror maybe did, but did I lived with the opportunity? No!

A wise man once said: “Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted – One moment, would you capture it or just let it slip?”

I did! And not just my desired mirror.. but all because of Fear!

I was afraid of what people might think of me, if I take that mirror from the street.

I am afraid of what people might think of me, writing a blog without ever learning English in school and be scared to be myself and write the way I would talk to anyone…

Or I am afraid of what people might think of me, if I’m writing about my fitness journey, my progress, my mistakes I make, am I doing things right?

Or be afraid of writing about being vegan and getting to a fitness path.

Or be afraid to be out and single after over 13 years.

And how I’m coping with all this, and how to get to my goals eventually?

Or being afraid what people would say if I share my goals and what my plans are to achieve them?

Or be afraid of people’s judgement about me building businesses to be able to work from home and share all I’ve learnt in the last 10 years about it!

 

Always being afraid what OTHERS WOULD THINK of me doing all of this or anything else even!

The only people’s thoughts I can look up to for advice or support, when I’m need it, who’s in the same mindset then me or higher, who are there to help and support, not who judging or not understanding! They don’t count, at all!

It’s so simple.

“SOMEONE’S OPINION OF YOU DOES NOT BECOME YOUR REALITY!”

For long minutes I just sitting above this quote. Can’t believe how simple is that and can’t believe how much I let people (wrong people) have influence on me, on my actions. My life led by others.

Well, that’s my fear number one. And where is a ONE there must be always a TWO too.

To be able to create the life I’d like to live, only one thing stopping me and that one thing is ME! MYSELF! No one or nothing else. I am (well, my mind) my worse enemy. My fear(s)!

I am, like everyone else, afraid of failing. But I am more afraid of succeeding. I know, I am such an idiot.

But what if me blogging about my vegan fitness and online business journey, share my ups and downs, and it become a success? Blogging successfully means more work (which I do love), or actually running businesses online and will be able to quit my job? And become a business women? That would be so much different what I’ve got use to (and this is IT). I want this so much that I am so afraid to have it!

I won’t be in my comfort zone anymore and that is scares the shit out of me! Even I’m not happy in my so called comfort zone.

It’s not enough I’m trying to find a standing point after a 6 months of being alone, but I wouldn’t challenge myself and take a risk to change my life because I am being afraid!”

But..

Something has changed. There are few people present in my life who stayed and stuck with me even when I was/am barley bearable. 

Without their influence and support I wouldn’t be able to get here at this point, to see life the way I do now. 
I can’t be grateful enough for them. (Thank You Guys – you all know who are you 🙂 )

It’s time to open my eyes and see: “THE LIFE I LIVE IS CREATED BY THE STORY I TELL!”

There is so much more to talk about and hard to stop, but this path I am on now I have to take one step at the time!

Thank you for being here.

Peace&Love

Miti